Parent Question: I have a three year old who goes to bed at 7:30pm, and while he sleeps through the night, he wakes up at 4:30 am and will not go back to sleep. He goes to sleep on his own at night. I have him go back to bed, even if he is awake, and he will generally stay in his room, quiet, for about 45 minutes. He is a mess all morning until his nap. This has been going on for about 9 months. Please advise.
Answer: You are doing the first few things I would suggest, having him fall asleep on his own and having a consistent time. It is good to have him spend quiet time in his room rather than going ahead and getting him up. You might try shifting the bedtime back. Doing this is just 15 minutes a week so this week it would move to 7:45pm, the next week 8:00pm. You may not earn the extra time early in the week but later in each week or the following you may start to get a later wake time. You might also check if it is light or noise and try blackout blinds or a white noise machine. You might also (and I know this one sounds scary) put him to bed like usual and wake him a bit a few hours in. Meaning, at 10:00pm or so rouse him, just enough to be awake and help him back to sleep. I have heard this is successful in many families in getting kids to sleep a bit longer in the mornings. Scary because you could just end up with a child who had a 2 1/2 hour nap and is ready to go. But this is supposed to 'reset' their sleep schedule and buy you some time. Likely worth trying for a few nights to see if it works. You might also push back his morning nap. Meaning if he naps at 11:45am, push it back to 12:00noon for a week and 12:15pm for a week. I know this is difficult as he is miserable from being up early but if you shift the bedtime and nap later it may help. By 3 years old, nap should also be in the 1 1/2 hour range; if it is significantly longer it could be interfering with the nighttime sleep.
Sincerely, Dr. Rene
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Sleep Issues - Children Sharing Room
Dear Dr. Hackney,
I have 26 month old twin girls. They share a bedroom. One of my twins wakes up crying in the middle of the night a few times a week. In an effort to prevent the twin who wakes up from waking the other, my husband and I usually wait a few minutes to see if the if the crying will stop and then go in to remove the crying twin from the room. It has become increasingly difficult to get her back to sleep. Once she is out of the room she asks to watch tv or go downstairs and play. She will sometimes stay awake for up to two hours before going back to sleep. She often asks for juice which we give her. How do we get her to stay asleep or help her go back to sleep more quickly when she wakes?
Thank you,
Grace, Mother of Two
Dear Grace,
The first thing to check if children are waking at night and calling out is how they are falling asleep at bedtime. Unless they are co-sleeping, the goal is for children to fall asleep in the same place and by themselves each night. The more able they are to nod off independently, the more likely they are to be able to self soothe if they wake later.
The idea when children wake at night is to do as little as possible. Avoid taking her out of the room. Better yet, avoid taking her out of her bed. Best if you can sit beside her quietly. Being able to get up and play or watch tv is very reinforcing to calling out the next time. I think I might get up in the night if I knew there was juice and someone to play with. While she may wake the first night or two, hopefully the other will learn to sleep through.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
http://www.askdrrene.com/
I have 26 month old twin girls. They share a bedroom. One of my twins wakes up crying in the middle of the night a few times a week. In an effort to prevent the twin who wakes up from waking the other, my husband and I usually wait a few minutes to see if the if the crying will stop and then go in to remove the crying twin from the room. It has become increasingly difficult to get her back to sleep. Once she is out of the room she asks to watch tv or go downstairs and play. She will sometimes stay awake for up to two hours before going back to sleep. She often asks for juice which we give her. How do we get her to stay asleep or help her go back to sleep more quickly when she wakes?
Thank you,
Grace, Mother of Two
Dear Grace,
The first thing to check if children are waking at night and calling out is how they are falling asleep at bedtime. Unless they are co-sleeping, the goal is for children to fall asleep in the same place and by themselves each night. The more able they are to nod off independently, the more likely they are to be able to self soothe if they wake later.
The idea when children wake at night is to do as little as possible. Avoid taking her out of the room. Better yet, avoid taking her out of her bed. Best if you can sit beside her quietly. Being able to get up and play or watch tv is very reinforcing to calling out the next time. I think I might get up in the night if I knew there was juice and someone to play with. While she may wake the first night or two, hopefully the other will learn to sleep through.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
http://www.askdrrene.com/
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Scared at Bedtime
Dear Dr. Rene,
I have a 3 year old who recently started having bad dreams and would come into our room in the middle of the night. If I didn't fall asleep, I would put her back in her own room. Now she's afraid of her room saying there's ghoasts in their, is now afraid of the dark, and literally shakes and screams when I try to put her in her room. She has a nightlight and I've ghost proofed the room. I hate to leave her shaking and screaming, so of course back in our room she comes. We also have a new 6 month old.
Please Help,
Lori
Mother of two, ages 3 years and 6 months
Dear Lori,
The first thing I would do is have a gentle conversation about how her room is a safe place and it is where she should be sleeping. I would have this conversation in the afternoon, not right at bedtime when it is more likely to develop to a struggle. Then, several times in the next few days, I would talk about how safe her room is and how safe the house is. I would talk about how her room is just for her and your room is just for you to sleep in.
Rather than all the fuss and the back and forth, you might opt for the "gradual move out method." This is on the time-consumming end but gets kids to sleep on thier own with less crying and upset than the check-in methods. For gradual move-outs you first finish your bedtime routine and you stay, for a week, while she is falling asleep. You sit beside her with your hand on her back. The next week, you sit beside but keep your hand off her back. The next week you move to a chair next to the bed. The next week you move the chair 6 inches and so on until you are out of the room. With this method, if she wakes in the middle of the night you sit wherever you were at bedtime. By the time you have moved out of the room she has slowly gained confidence and is not needing you. The drawback, this takes some time!
There are other, smaller thangs you might do to help. Rather than you checking her room for ghosts (this sends the message there just might be some) do a room check together to "see there are just clothes in the closet and just toys in the box." The language says there are no ghosts and not even a possibility. For a sense of control, you might give her a flashlight that she is welcome to use if she is in bed. You might offer to check on her "more often" if she is laying down and quiet. You might spend more fun time playing and reading in her room during the day.
Whatever you do, if she wakes at night, return her to her room. It is less reinforcing if you fall asleep in her room than her in your room. Her getting to fall asleep with you in your room strongly reinforces trying again the next night.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
http://www.parentingplaygroups.com/
blog@parentingplaygroups.com
I have a 3 year old who recently started having bad dreams and would come into our room in the middle of the night. If I didn't fall asleep, I would put her back in her own room. Now she's afraid of her room saying there's ghoasts in their, is now afraid of the dark, and literally shakes and screams when I try to put her in her room. She has a nightlight and I've ghost proofed the room. I hate to leave her shaking and screaming, so of course back in our room she comes. We also have a new 6 month old.
Please Help,
Lori
Mother of two, ages 3 years and 6 months
Dear Lori,
The first thing I would do is have a gentle conversation about how her room is a safe place and it is where she should be sleeping. I would have this conversation in the afternoon, not right at bedtime when it is more likely to develop to a struggle. Then, several times in the next few days, I would talk about how safe her room is and how safe the house is. I would talk about how her room is just for her and your room is just for you to sleep in.
Rather than all the fuss and the back and forth, you might opt for the "gradual move out method." This is on the time-consumming end but gets kids to sleep on thier own with less crying and upset than the check-in methods. For gradual move-outs you first finish your bedtime routine and you stay, for a week, while she is falling asleep. You sit beside her with your hand on her back. The next week, you sit beside but keep your hand off her back. The next week you move to a chair next to the bed. The next week you move the chair 6 inches and so on until you are out of the room. With this method, if she wakes in the middle of the night you sit wherever you were at bedtime. By the time you have moved out of the room she has slowly gained confidence and is not needing you. The drawback, this takes some time!
There are other, smaller thangs you might do to help. Rather than you checking her room for ghosts (this sends the message there just might be some) do a room check together to "see there are just clothes in the closet and just toys in the box." The language says there are no ghosts and not even a possibility. For a sense of control, you might give her a flashlight that she is welcome to use if she is in bed. You might offer to check on her "more often" if she is laying down and quiet. You might spend more fun time playing and reading in her room during the day.
Whatever you do, if she wakes at night, return her to her room. It is less reinforcing if you fall asleep in her room than her in your room. Her getting to fall asleep with you in your room strongly reinforces trying again the next night.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
http://www.parentingplaygroups.com/
blog@parentingplaygroups.com
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Excuses for Sleep
Hello Dr. Hackney,
I have a 3 ½ year old and a 2 ½ year who share a room. We have a bedtime routine of bath time and reading two to three books. My husband and I then try to put our kids to bed by 8:15. The problem we are having is once we put our kids in their beds, they try to come up with every excuse not to go to sleep. They cry, they ask us for milk, they want to tell us something, and then they repeatedly get out of their beds for about an hour. My husband I try to be firm and put them back in bed. We also will try to comfort them when they are upset. Do you have any suggestions they could help with our getting them to go to bed?
Thanks for your help,
Tricia Eckert, mother of two
Hi Tricia,
Consistency may be the key. Right now, you “try” to put them back in bed, and other times, you comfort when they are upset. They are likely finding ways to either keep you in the room or at least keep your attention.
Proactively, you might lay some ground rules, such as they can have one cup of water by the bed but no getting up or having milk. You might also do a bed check by asking, “Before we tuck in for the night, is there anything else you need?”
If you decide to repeatedly put them back to bed, you must do this in a consistent and low-key way to curb behavior. Being a broken record in these moments requires you to develop a mantra and maintain your cool. The broken record repeats itself with no changes in delivery. This is seen as being one of the better ways to break your child’s habit of getting out of bed over and over again. When we switched my daughter Alicen from the crib to a toddler bed, she got out over forty times before she fell asleep the first night. Each time, I said in the same tone, “You must stay in bed,” and guided her back in the same way. The second night, in took about twenty times, and the third night, it then took eight, and it was over. Occasionally, that behavior came back, but with a consistent response, it never seemed out of hand again. Be warned, if you are going to lose your cool at time seventeen, don’t even start. What happens if you get to time seventeen and then yell at the child, take them roughly back to bed or stop to comfort them? You reinforce the behavior because they got your attention. Seventeen is the new goal if not longer because they found your breaking point.
You might also try to reinforce the behavior you are looking for. At the end of the bedtime routine, as you tuck them in bed and say, “If you are laying down and quiet, I will come in and pat your back.” Leave the room, but if they are laying down and quiet, go back in within a minute or two, and pat their back. Do this with little language, and stay less than 30 seconds, and then state, “If you are laying down and quiet, I’ll be back to pat again.” Each time, stay gone a bit longer. We did this years ago, and I still check on the girls every 15 minutes or so to pat. It doesn’t have to be patting, it can be to “sit with you, rub your back,” or whatever you think would work best.
Sincerely,
Rene Hackney, PhD.
Parenting Playgroups, Inc.
I have a 3 ½ year old and a 2 ½ year who share a room. We have a bedtime routine of bath time and reading two to three books. My husband and I then try to put our kids to bed by 8:15. The problem we are having is once we put our kids in their beds, they try to come up with every excuse not to go to sleep. They cry, they ask us for milk, they want to tell us something, and then they repeatedly get out of their beds for about an hour. My husband I try to be firm and put them back in bed. We also will try to comfort them when they are upset. Do you have any suggestions they could help with our getting them to go to bed?
Thanks for your help,
Tricia Eckert, mother of two
Hi Tricia,
Consistency may be the key. Right now, you “try” to put them back in bed, and other times, you comfort when they are upset. They are likely finding ways to either keep you in the room or at least keep your attention.
Proactively, you might lay some ground rules, such as they can have one cup of water by the bed but no getting up or having milk. You might also do a bed check by asking, “Before we tuck in for the night, is there anything else you need?”
If you decide to repeatedly put them back to bed, you must do this in a consistent and low-key way to curb behavior. Being a broken record in these moments requires you to develop a mantra and maintain your cool. The broken record repeats itself with no changes in delivery. This is seen as being one of the better ways to break your child’s habit of getting out of bed over and over again. When we switched my daughter Alicen from the crib to a toddler bed, she got out over forty times before she fell asleep the first night. Each time, I said in the same tone, “You must stay in bed,” and guided her back in the same way. The second night, in took about twenty times, and the third night, it then took eight, and it was over. Occasionally, that behavior came back, but with a consistent response, it never seemed out of hand again. Be warned, if you are going to lose your cool at time seventeen, don’t even start. What happens if you get to time seventeen and then yell at the child, take them roughly back to bed or stop to comfort them? You reinforce the behavior because they got your attention. Seventeen is the new goal if not longer because they found your breaking point.
You might also try to reinforce the behavior you are looking for. At the end of the bedtime routine, as you tuck them in bed and say, “If you are laying down and quiet, I will come in and pat your back.” Leave the room, but if they are laying down and quiet, go back in within a minute or two, and pat their back. Do this with little language, and stay less than 30 seconds, and then state, “If you are laying down and quiet, I’ll be back to pat again.” Each time, stay gone a bit longer. We did this years ago, and I still check on the girls every 15 minutes or so to pat. It doesn’t have to be patting, it can be to “sit with you, rub your back,” or whatever you think would work best.
Sincerely,
Rene Hackney, PhD.
Parenting Playgroups, Inc.
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