Dear Dr. Rene,
Everytime I ask my 3 year old what he did in preschool, he says "Nothing." how can I get him engaged in a conversation about this?
Sincerely,
Hope, Mother of One
Dear Hope,
This is a common complaint. You might use the class weekly or monthly plans to ask more specific questions like, "I see you made collages today, was that fun?" or "What did you do at movement class today?" If the teacher sends daily reports, use that as your jump off. You might ask more specific questions like, "Who did you sit with at snack?" or "Who was the line leader?" You might ask funny questions like, "What was the worst thing about preschool today?" or "Did you go to the bathroom by yourself or with friends today?" You might also ask future plans, "What do you think you'll do at school tomorrow?" If he has a favorite thing like the car mat you might start there, "Did you get to drive cars on the mat today?" It may be that he just needs a break from being social after a day at school so you might wait until after snack or a bit of playtime before you ask.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
http://www.askdrrene.com/
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Tantrums at School
Dear Dr. Rene,
I am a mother of 4 and expecting a 5th. Our second to youngest child is throwing really bad tantrums in school. These tantrums are out of control and disrupt the entire class. The school is talking about suspension because this is interrupting the whole K, 1st and 2nd grade hallway. I have tried everything I can think of from taking away special toys and explaining she has a choice to throw a tantum. I thought by 6 years old she would not be having these tantrums but they still seem to be problematic.
Please help.
Sincerely,
Andrea, Mother of Five
Dear Andrea,
This is a difficult situation all the way around. There are a few things to do at home and a few things to do at school that may be helpful. I would ask if there is a space provided for children to be alone, to calm down and regain themselves that is also safe. This might be a quiet corner of the classroom or the waiting area of the nurse's office. It would be best if this is away from the other children and somewhere she can take herself. There is a preschool near us that has a small house filled with beanbags and pillows. When children feel overwhelmed and angry they are invited in to help themselves settle. This works by removing the audience and and social reinforcement as well as provding a calming setting. It is hard to stay mad when you are lounging on bean bags.
A thing to do at school and at home is to focus on teaching emotions language, better ways to express and ways to calm. These are things that are helpful to most children in overcoming tantrums, take a long time to learn and best if reinforced at home and school. it is best to teach these things out of the moment, when all are calm. If you wait and try to teach these things when children are emotional and overwhelmed, they are not in a good place to learn.
Likely it is best to avoid disciplining behaviors that happen hours earlier in school. If it is a big enough behavior that you were made aware of, the child was already disciplined at school. If it is several hours later, the child may not connect those things well. I am not saying just let it go but rather focus heavily on coaching the new behavior. Talk to your child about the thing that happened at school, brainstorm better options, together find ways for the child to make amends and do better the next day.
With tantrums, it can be helpful to lean about "charting a behavior," in this case it is focusing on triggers (what sets a child off) and cue behaviors (signs they are about to tantrum). This would have to be in the school setting, so by the teacher or guidance counselor. it would mean a bit of observation time and record keeping but would provide helpful information so the school can be more prepared to manage the upset.
There is a full discussion of these ideas on our http://www.askdrrene.com/ website, in the recorded workshop on manageing tantrums. There is also a good book titled No More Meltdowns, which is good about managing tantrums in school age children.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
http://www.parentingplaygroups.com/
I am a mother of 4 and expecting a 5th. Our second to youngest child is throwing really bad tantrums in school. These tantrums are out of control and disrupt the entire class. The school is talking about suspension because this is interrupting the whole K, 1st and 2nd grade hallway. I have tried everything I can think of from taking away special toys and explaining she has a choice to throw a tantum. I thought by 6 years old she would not be having these tantrums but they still seem to be problematic.
Please help.
Sincerely,
Andrea, Mother of Five
Dear Andrea,
This is a difficult situation all the way around. There are a few things to do at home and a few things to do at school that may be helpful. I would ask if there is a space provided for children to be alone, to calm down and regain themselves that is also safe. This might be a quiet corner of the classroom or the waiting area of the nurse's office. It would be best if this is away from the other children and somewhere she can take herself. There is a preschool near us that has a small house filled with beanbags and pillows. When children feel overwhelmed and angry they are invited in to help themselves settle. This works by removing the audience and and social reinforcement as well as provding a calming setting. It is hard to stay mad when you are lounging on bean bags.
A thing to do at school and at home is to focus on teaching emotions language, better ways to express and ways to calm. These are things that are helpful to most children in overcoming tantrums, take a long time to learn and best if reinforced at home and school. it is best to teach these things out of the moment, when all are calm. If you wait and try to teach these things when children are emotional and overwhelmed, they are not in a good place to learn.
Likely it is best to avoid disciplining behaviors that happen hours earlier in school. If it is a big enough behavior that you were made aware of, the child was already disciplined at school. If it is several hours later, the child may not connect those things well. I am not saying just let it go but rather focus heavily on coaching the new behavior. Talk to your child about the thing that happened at school, brainstorm better options, together find ways for the child to make amends and do better the next day.
With tantrums, it can be helpful to lean about "charting a behavior," in this case it is focusing on triggers (what sets a child off) and cue behaviors (signs they are about to tantrum). This would have to be in the school setting, so by the teacher or guidance counselor. it would mean a bit of observation time and record keeping but would provide helpful information so the school can be more prepared to manage the upset.
There is a full discussion of these ideas on our http://www.askdrrene.com/ website, in the recorded workshop on manageing tantrums. There is also a good book titled No More Meltdowns, which is good about managing tantrums in school age children.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
http://www.parentingplaygroups.com/
Friday, May 28, 2010
Nap Issues
Dear Dr. Rene,
My 2 year old still takes an afternoon nap for 1 to 3 hours each afternoon. I've noticed if the afternoon nap is long or if he naps later in the afternoon, he has trouble going to sleep at the regular 8:00pm bedtime or wakes up during the night. If he skips nap or naps for a short time, he is cranky by 5:00pm. Any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Lee, Mother of One
Dear Lee,
One thing that might help is being more consistent with your naptime routine. Naps benefit from being at the same time, in the same place everyday. It may also be helpful to build in a short naptime routine to aid the transition. If long naps seem to interfere with nighttime sleep, the idea is to gradually make naps shorter. Think about waking them up 15 minutes earlier each week. If they have been a 3 hour naps, for this wake them at 2 hours and 45 minutes consistently. The next week, 2 hours and 30 minutes until it seems to be the right amount of nap and not impact nighttime sleep. Also, be sure nap starts by 1:00pm at the latest so they might be back up is around 3:00pm. This will avoid bumping into bedtime.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
http://www.parentingplaygroups.com/
My 2 year old still takes an afternoon nap for 1 to 3 hours each afternoon. I've noticed if the afternoon nap is long or if he naps later in the afternoon, he has trouble going to sleep at the regular 8:00pm bedtime or wakes up during the night. If he skips nap or naps for a short time, he is cranky by 5:00pm. Any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Lee, Mother of One
Dear Lee,
One thing that might help is being more consistent with your naptime routine. Naps benefit from being at the same time, in the same place everyday. It may also be helpful to build in a short naptime routine to aid the transition. If long naps seem to interfere with nighttime sleep, the idea is to gradually make naps shorter. Think about waking them up 15 minutes earlier each week. If they have been a 3 hour naps, for this wake them at 2 hours and 45 minutes consistently. The next week, 2 hours and 30 minutes until it seems to be the right amount of nap and not impact nighttime sleep. Also, be sure nap starts by 1:00pm at the latest so they might be back up is around 3:00pm. This will avoid bumping into bedtime.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
http://www.parentingplaygroups.com/
Sleep Issues - Children Sharing Room
Dear Dr. Hackney,
I have 26 month old twin girls. They share a bedroom. One of my twins wakes up crying in the middle of the night a few times a week. In an effort to prevent the twin who wakes up from waking the other, my husband and I usually wait a few minutes to see if the if the crying will stop and then go in to remove the crying twin from the room. It has become increasingly difficult to get her back to sleep. Once she is out of the room she asks to watch tv or go downstairs and play. She will sometimes stay awake for up to two hours before going back to sleep. She often asks for juice which we give her. How do we get her to stay asleep or help her go back to sleep more quickly when she wakes?
Thank you,
Grace, Mother of Two
Dear Grace,
The first thing to check if children are waking at night and calling out is how they are falling asleep at bedtime. Unless they are co-sleeping, the goal is for children to fall asleep in the same place and by themselves each night. The more able they are to nod off independently, the more likely they are to be able to self soothe if they wake later.
The idea when children wake at night is to do as little as possible. Avoid taking her out of the room. Better yet, avoid taking her out of her bed. Best if you can sit beside her quietly. Being able to get up and play or watch tv is very reinforcing to calling out the next time. I think I might get up in the night if I knew there was juice and someone to play with. While she may wake the first night or two, hopefully the other will learn to sleep through.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
http://www.askdrrene.com/
I have 26 month old twin girls. They share a bedroom. One of my twins wakes up crying in the middle of the night a few times a week. In an effort to prevent the twin who wakes up from waking the other, my husband and I usually wait a few minutes to see if the if the crying will stop and then go in to remove the crying twin from the room. It has become increasingly difficult to get her back to sleep. Once she is out of the room she asks to watch tv or go downstairs and play. She will sometimes stay awake for up to two hours before going back to sleep. She often asks for juice which we give her. How do we get her to stay asleep or help her go back to sleep more quickly when she wakes?
Thank you,
Grace, Mother of Two
Dear Grace,
The first thing to check if children are waking at night and calling out is how they are falling asleep at bedtime. Unless they are co-sleeping, the goal is for children to fall asleep in the same place and by themselves each night. The more able they are to nod off independently, the more likely they are to be able to self soothe if they wake later.
The idea when children wake at night is to do as little as possible. Avoid taking her out of the room. Better yet, avoid taking her out of her bed. Best if you can sit beside her quietly. Being able to get up and play or watch tv is very reinforcing to calling out the next time. I think I might get up in the night if I knew there was juice and someone to play with. While she may wake the first night or two, hopefully the other will learn to sleep through.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
http://www.askdrrene.com/
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