Floortime

The topic in our morning Play & Workshop last week was Floortime. Moving forward I am going to post the highlights from each topic weekly. So here goes...

Floortime is an approach to play developed by Stanley Greenspan MD. If you haven't heard of him he is a child psychiatrist who is big in the field of parenting and specializes in social and emotional development issues. The Floortime training kit was published in 1990 and is still widely used.

Greenspan stresses the benefits of floortime to a child's vocabulary, interactive play, creative play and rates of aggression. The kit also discusses the importance of play from birth to 6 years old. It describes the impact of play on academic readiness, social and emotional exchange, language development and communication of ideas. It is important to know that play is bigger than play, when supported it is a strong foundation for academic and social success.

Parent Guidelines

• Aim for 20 minutes a day per child. This is an uninterrupted 20 minutes that you are focused and following the play. Avoid checking on dinner and answering the phone.
• During this time the child is the leader, you are the follower. You assist but never lead the play.
• You move and play at their pace.
• There is no discipline. There is no education. This really is play for the sake of play. The only rules are no hurting or breaking things and then, likely, you just end the floortime.
• All of your comments and questions should be to focus and build on their current activity. Expand without changing directions. Take a real interest.
• Enter in the least intrusive way possible.
• The hardest part for most parents is slowing down.

Teaching Respect

In this day of award stealing moments and presidential bashing, I thought it is high time to blog about teaching children about respect. As much as we focus on teaching them manners, respect seems to be falling by the wayside. There is a wide range of ways to approach this topic with children. I am going to list and discuss a bit by category.

• Define respect with your children. What does having respect mean? How does being respectful shape our relationships? Talk about this and honesty and other related traits often. Point out when people are being respectful or disrespectful out in the world. Talk about the social exchanges you witness.


• Model Respect. Children are learning best by watching and listening. Consider how you speak about your neighbor and how you argue with your spouse. If you mis-step, stop and apologize or otherwise make amends. If they see the mis-step let them see the make-up.


• First teach children about themselves. Children can not have respect for others until they have a sense of self and start to recognize differences. When a preschooler is making a noodle and yarn self-portrait they are thinking about their eye color and skin color and can start to recognize the similarities and differences in others. This can build to likes and dislikes and personality difference. Then children can consider culture and religion. The idea is for parents to speak openly and respectfully about others as they go.


• Teach diversity. Recognize and appreciate differences in others.


• Teach respect for life. This can come through pet care or caring for the environment.


• Teach about the life cycle. It is helpful to discuss birth, aging and death. Children can learn respect for elders by better understanding this process.


• Teach manners. Through 2 years old we model manners. Through 3 years old we expect manners. After 4 years old we enforce manners. This includes "pleases" and "thank yous" but it also includes speaking in a respectful tone and listening to others. These are things that should taught over the long haul.


• Give opportunity for responsibility. This means children should have chores and responsibilities. I like chores for allowance but also feel children should have things they do just because they are part of the family. Helping should be a given.


• Teach friendship and social skills. This is a wide category and includes the basics like listening to others, sharing and taking turns. But it also touches on a sense of empathy, recognizing others emotions and being able to appropriately respond.


• Take care of their own belongings. This means children should clean and care for their rooms. They should be expected to keep track of belongings at school and responsible when things are lost. There should be a system for child repaying for any losses.
  
• Sports and teamwork may be helpful. Children participating with others makes them responsible to others for performance and follow-through.

Going Poop a Little at a Time

Hi Dr. Rene,
My son is 3 years and 8 months old. He has been totally potty trained for pee for six months but refuses to poop on the potty. He was constipated but that resolved. He holds it in and poops a little at a time in his pull-ups. When he does, he immediately wants me to change him which ends up being five or six times a day. He has only gone poop in the potty three times. Each time, we had a parade in the living room to celebrate. I have tried just letting go, rewards, stickers and a coin jar. What else can I do?
Sincerely,
LeighAnne
Mother of two, ages 3 and 10 years old

Hi LeighAnne,
I would argue that you are still dealing with constipation or at least the withholding that can follow a bout of constipation. Children who have been constipated often hold their poop so they won't again have the pain they felt from pooping. Unfortunately this just starts a negative cycle. The more they hold, the worse it can hurt and so on. The general idea is that this needs to move at their pace and without pressure.

There are many things you can do. Let's start with the easy, general ones

• Play the videos and read the books - There are so many good potty books and videos available. Mix them in with your other story or tv times.
• When you do change him, let him watch you empty his poop into the potty. Help him make that connection "the potty is where poop belongs."
• Change all diapers in or just outside the bathroom. Again sending the message about place and letting him know we have to stop and go to the potty each time.

Next let's address the ones related to the constipation

• Increase fluids, particularly water.
• Increase exercise, particularly walking.
• Check his diet. Think fiber, fruits and vegetables. Make fruit smoothies and add in a few prunes. Add raisens to all snacks.
• Avoid white bread, rice, bananas and too much milk.
• Talk to the pediatrician but you might try an over-the-counter remedy such as mineral oil.

Now for the specifics

• Let him know it's okay to poop in a pull-up but encourage him to at least stand in the bathroom while he does this.
• Once he is comfortable, encourage him to sit for poop. This can be with his pull-up on sitting on the floor or on the closed lid of the potty.
• Once he is comfortable, you could have him try on the open potty and then on the open potty with no pull-up.

All of your language and efforts should be encouraging him to take ownership. Out of the moment and maybe once a day say things like "You know you are the only one in the whole world who knows when you need to potty," or "You know that feeling in your tummy when you need to poop? I can't feel that, just you!" The idea here is to make it their job, to encourage ownership without pressure.

blog@parentingplaygroups.com

Nervous Habit

Dear Dr. Rene,

I have two boys. About a month after having a new baby and the start of a new preschool, my older son starting picking at his cuticles. He doesn't always do this but in moments when he is bored or his hands are free and he thinks no one is looking he will pick. he doesn't do this when his hands are busy with books or puzzles. he did not pick his nails much at all this summer but seems to have started again now that the school year is in.



At night we put lotion on so his hands aren't dry. If we see him picking, we'll wrap his finger in a band-aid. We have lost our patience with asking him to stop and are now at discipline which seems to make things worse. What should we do?
Sincerely,
Jen
Mom of two, ages 4 1/2 and 21 months

Dear Jen,
Habits like this are annoying and hard to break. If you attend too much you may reinforce through attention. Attend too little and the behavior runs amok. The first line of defense is to make his hands busy. This is giving him what's called an incompatible behavior. He isn't picking his nails while doing puzzles, squishing play-doh or coloring so keep those types of activities on hand. Whenever you see him pikcing give him something to do that keeps his hands busy. Think about making him the Official Thing Carrier.

Good to be proactive with the lotion. I also like the idea of putting a band-aid on the finger if he is picking and I would say something like, "We need to keep your fingers safe." If it become a more frequent habit, you might put band-aids on all for a while just to give everyone a break.

Be sure in your language that you avoid saying things like "Don't pick your nails," or "Stop picking." Rather focus your langauge on the thing you want him TO DO such as "Leave your fingers alone," or "put your hands down." This simple shift can have a big impact over time. you are reinforcing the thing to do and that should be the language in his head when he starts to pick and you are not around.
Good Luck!
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
blog@parentingplaygroups.com
www.parentingplaygroups.com