Preventing Tantrums

The best way to manage tantrums is to prevent them. Here are several tips to prevent the next meltdown.

• Teach Emotion Language - The more emotion language children have, the less they need to tantrum. The idea is the language can replace to behaviors. If children are able to vent their emotions, they are less likely to boil over. Teach emotion language by labeling and discussing emotions as they happen (yours, theirs and others) and talk about emotions in children's story books.
• Teach Ways to Calm - Think of teaching them to count or breath when they are angry. Teach them to take a few second before responding when they are angry (this takes a great deal of effort to teach).
• Teach Ways to Express - Tantrums are emotions on overload. Teach them ways to express negative emotions such as stomping feet, blowing out hard, shaking hands, hugging themselves hard, running or raising voices. it's not that one way is better than another just really think about ways that you are okay with before you teach.
• Look for Triggers - Triggers are what typically sets your child off. if you can figure the triggers you can fix or avoid them. You can teach your child how to best manage them. At the very least, you can see them coming.
• Rest and Food - If their triggers are being tired or hungry, that is on you. Get them more rest, feed them more often.
• Look for Cues - Cues are the signs your child is on the edge. My younger daughter always got fidgety before she threw herself on the floor in tantrum mode. That fidgetiness was my red flag to jump in with empathy, positive intent or choices.
• Give Downtime, Avoid Overscheduling - With such busy schedules, this is a common cause for children to meltdown. If your child is tantrumming often, check how much is required of them throughout the day. Be sure they are having real downtime, playtime where nothing is organized or required.

Our next workshop on Managing Tantrums is happening Thursday October 22nd from 7:00-9:00pm at the Falls Church office. To register for this and other evening workshops visit http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=lkzpbadab.0.0.n89o4ybab.0&ts=S0421&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.parentingplaygroups.com%2Fparentworkshops.htm&id=preview

Private Speech

So folks ask, what is private speech?

Private speech is the running commentary we have in our heads that helps to guide our behavior. When you are following a recipe, you may talk yourself through the steps. When a task is particularly challenging - the private speech may become public. We start to talk out loud to ourselves to support the action.

Children start to do this often around 3 years old. Think about your child working on a hard puzzle - do you hear him muttering to himself about the piece he is looking for or the plan to get started? This is his still public - private speech. As children grow the speech gradually moves into their brain (hopefully) rather than being said out loud.

Studies show private speech benefits future behaviors. Children who mutter their way through first grade math often benefit second grade math. The idea is the language is reinforcing the learning - they are talking their way back through.