Dear Dr. Rene,
My daughter will be 4 in September and has never participated in any program away from me. She is very resistant to the idea but will be starting preschool in the fall. Is it okay for preschool to be her first experience away from me or should I force the issue this summer?
Sincerely,
Karen, Mother of One
Dear Karen,
I think it would be good to have at least a few experiences over the summer. You might sign up for a few single drop-off classes and or short camp session. You might also just schedule babysitters more often and practice that way.
That said, it is also fine for preschool to be her first experience with separation. Experienced preschool teachers have dealt with initial transitions and separation anxiety. Most expect this to some degree every September. To be fair to all involved though, you might contact the teacher prior to school and let her know you expect some difficulty. It would be good to have an understanding of the school's drop-off procedures and guidelines for managing separation issues.
It may also be helpful (if allowed) to play on the school's playground over the summer. Take advantage of any preview experiences such as a home or classroom visit. Ask for a class list so you can start playdates over the summer months, this way you ensure a few familiar faces on the first day. Take pictures of the other children and teacher as soon as you can and give these to your child to help make connections.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
www.parentingplaygroups.com
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Parents with Different Discipline Styles
Dear Dr. Rene,
My husband and I don't parent in similar ways. He thinks I am too soft, I often think he is too hard on the kids in discipline. Should we work to find a simiar style or is it okay that we discipline in different ways?
Sincerely, Carol
Mother of Three
Dear Carol,
The fencepost answer - it would be nice to work on finding similar ways and it is fine to have different styles in parenting. Your children are going to develop a different relationship with you than they have with your husband. Think about it growing up, you likely had different relationships with your parents and in most families this works fine. It teaches children to be flexible.
When there are disagreements, the general guideline is whoever starts it, get to finish it. This means, unless it is abusive, whichever parent starts a discipline exchange is allowed to finish it. The second parent should avoid undermining or arguing with the first. The second should not rescue the child or change the discipline in anyway. Of course, if the first parent is asking for help or handing the child off, it is fine to move on and differ. If the first parent is not asking for help or handing off, the second should ONLY reinforce by saying something like, "Listen to your father." If you as the second parent REALLY disagree with the first, it is fine to take a few notes and discuss it later and well out of earshot of the child.
That said, it is nice when parents' styles are in sync. You might want to read a discipline book together or sign-up for a parenting workshop. Finding common ground would mean for smoother times in general.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
www.askdrrene.com
My husband and I don't parent in similar ways. He thinks I am too soft, I often think he is too hard on the kids in discipline. Should we work to find a simiar style or is it okay that we discipline in different ways?
Sincerely, Carol
Mother of Three
Dear Carol,
The fencepost answer - it would be nice to work on finding similar ways and it is fine to have different styles in parenting. Your children are going to develop a different relationship with you than they have with your husband. Think about it growing up, you likely had different relationships with your parents and in most families this works fine. It teaches children to be flexible.
When there are disagreements, the general guideline is whoever starts it, get to finish it. This means, unless it is abusive, whichever parent starts a discipline exchange is allowed to finish it. The second parent should avoid undermining or arguing with the first. The second should not rescue the child or change the discipline in anyway. Of course, if the first parent is asking for help or handing the child off, it is fine to move on and differ. If the first parent is not asking for help or handing off, the second should ONLY reinforce by saying something like, "Listen to your father." If you as the second parent REALLY disagree with the first, it is fine to take a few notes and discuss it later and well out of earshot of the child.
That said, it is nice when parents' styles are in sync. You might want to read a discipline book together or sign-up for a parenting workshop. Finding common ground would mean for smoother times in general.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
www.askdrrene.com
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