Monday, March 3, 2008

Second Snack at School

Dear Dr. Hackney,

My daughter Maggie brings a snack to school for half-day Kindergarten. She usually brings water and a granola bar. She has discovered that her teacher has snacks for kids who forget their snack. These are sometimes more inviting than hers (chocolate Teddy Grams today). Occasionally, Maggie is eating her snack and then telling the teacher she doesn't have one or doesn’t like the one she brought and gets another one.

I’m concerned because Maggie and I are in the midst of an ongoing dialogue, argument, about food, which I know is not a good dynamic. When I approached the teacher, she just laughed about it and said she knew Maggie just wanted the other snack. I don't want to set up a dynamic where she is eating two snacks or a power issue around food between Maggie and me.

Sincerely,
Karen
Mother of two, ages 3 and 5 years

Dear Karen,
My first comment is you are right; you don't want to be arguing about food intake with Maggie. It is not a good pattern and can easily send a wide variety of wrong messages about foods. It also opens the door to food as a battle ground in general.

I also think it is fine that you want her to have just one snack and you want it to be the snack you provide. It seems your issue here should be more with the teacher and less with Maggie. You are well within your rights to ask the teacher to give Maggie a snack only on the days you actually forget. Otherwise, I would make it clear (nicely and out of Maggie's earshot) that you want her to be offered what you provide and not a second choice or snack. You can blame it easily on that she's not eating as much of her lunch (or dinner) because she is filling up on the snacks. You can also assert that you are trying to focus on healthy choices without making it a big issue with Maggie and the extra or replacement snacks are undermining your efforts. Again, this is with the teacher not Maggie. It is best if Maggie is not a part of this process. Hopefully, the teacher will just remind her by saying, "Oh, you already have your snack today" or "If you have something from home that is your snack."

To help your cause, shake up things by providing a variety of snacks from day to day. Try to be fun, and ask Maggie to make some choices about what snack should be.

If the teacher laughs again when you bring it up, you can say, "No, really..." And ask for her to support you and, hopefully, not to blame you when she is not sharing those snacks as often.

Sincerely,
Rene Hackney, PhD.
Parenting Playgroups, Inc.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Bribes to Eat Vegis

Dear Dr. Hackney,

My six year old daughter is a very picky eater. We bribe her to eat vegetables and end up negotiating over food at every meal. This doesn’t feel right, but it seems the only way to get her to eat. Please help!

Sincerely,
Janice
Mother of three, ages six, three and one years old


Dear Janice,

Wow, this sounds frustrating! I can imagine that dinner is not an enjoyable time in your house. While I know there can be a great push to encourage children to eat, the pressure likely will backfire. The more pressure, the less likely they are to eat those foods willingly the next go around. When you bribe a child by saying, “If you eat your broccoli, you can have some applesauce,” you are agreeing with her. Your bribe sends the message, “Broccoli stinks! You should be rewarded for eating it.” The next time broccoli is presented, she is LESS likely to eat it because it was an obstacle in the way of applesauce. Applesauce is a more sought after food because it was preferred and is now a reward.

The answer is to avoid bribery all together. As a general guideline, parents are in charge of what is offered, and children are in charge of what and how much of that they eat. Following this, parents offer a wide range of healthy choices for breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner. Once it is on their plate, children get to pick and choose. If you find your child still isn’t eating vegetables, you still don’t force her. You are in charge of what is offered, so you offer more vegetables in a wider range of ways. You might offer a vegetable omelet for breakfast, vegetables with dip for snack, or grilled vegetable sandwich for lunch, etc.

I think it is fine to hide ingredients. Make zucchini bread, and call it magic bread. Shred broccoli under the cheese on pizza. This is also a fine time to practice contribution. The more children are choosing the vegetables at the store, washing them in the sink and scooping them to the plate, the more likely they are to eat them.

Sincerely,
Rene Hackney, PhD.
Parenting Playgroups, Inc.