Family Time

Believe me, I know that finding enough time for work, errands, school and family can seem near impossible. Unfortunately, I also know that family time tends to fall at the bottom of the list. The other things on the list often have hard deadlines so we meet them first and hope the rest falls into place. We let family time fill in the gaps. Making family time needs to move to the top of the list. Put it on the calendar if you have to.

• Whole Family Time - At least once a week. This can be a set-in-stone weekly dinner cooked together, a game night, a Sunday afternoon activity time.
• Couples Time - At least every other week. If you are parenting as a couple, find a time to focus on each other. It can be a movie night or dinner out, again doesn't have to be grand, just time and regular.
• Individual Pairs Time - At least once a month. Make time for each pair in the family to spend some time together. This can be at the playground or tossing a ball in the backyard. It can be watching a program together and talking about it or a trip to the grocery store if you are really focused on each other and communicating.
• Rituals and Routines - This can be a helpful approach to building in time. Plan a real playtime each morning, a time that you will put away the cell phone and turn off the TV and really play. Keep reading aloud as part of the bedtime routine long passed the age you thought they would listen.

Of course, more is better but these are minimum goals.

Bedtimes

There are a few daily routines that unite us all as parents. Those times of the day we all face include bathtimes, mealtimes and bedtime routines. While it may go well for some on most days, others barely struggle through. Here are a few of our tips to help settle the bedtime routines.

• Same time, same order, same place every night - It can be helpful to children to have a strong sense of routine around bedtimes. If the process is consistent, over time it can help children settle and be more ready for sleep by the end. In our house it has been bath, jammies, teeth, story, bed for years. At bath they know sleep is about an hour away. At story they know it is 10 minutes away.
• Minimum 20 minutes, maximum an hour - If bedtime routines are shorter, children may not have enough time to transition. Longer and they may lose focus.
• Finish in their rooms - Avoid finishing the routine in the living room or your room and then carting them off to bed. Better for children to have time to acclimate to their bedroom. Their bedroom should be part of their sleep association.
• If sleep issues, avoid TV and rough house play in the last 2 hours - If children struggle to fall or stay asleep, avoid both TV and rough house in the last 2 hours before bed. These activities can be too stimulating for good sleep to follow.

Kindergarten Readiness Tips

A few general guidelines:

The National PTA suggests considering 5 questions for kindergarten readiness.

1. How mature is your child?
2. What does the pediatrician or preschool teacher say?
3. Are they motivated to learn?
4. Are they big or small for their age?
5. What do other families in your community do?

I tend to add:

1. Is there a delay or disorder that may be benefitted from time?
2. Do you have the sense they may end up repeating a later grade?

None of these questions should be considered alone. Look at the whole child and daily functioning. If you are deciding to wait a year, plan for making the most of that time.

Things to incorporate the year before Kindergarten (if not already):

• Remember that reading aloud to children is cited as the single most important factor in making successful readers.
• Build social skills and give opportunities for repeated play with the same children.
• More downtime, less screentime. Learn the guidelines given by the American Academy of Pediatrics or by Zero to Three about screentime and decide for your family some healthy boundaries. Give children time to learn to entertain themselves.
• Build challenges in play. Challenge them to build taller with blocks, complete puzzles faster, to tackle tasks together.
• Build attention span. Read increasingly longer stories, play increasingly harder games and more difficult puzzles.

Calm Parenting

If you didn't make a New Year's Resolution this year, you can share mine. This year I resolve to be a calm parent, to be a calm wife, to respond rather than react to upsets within my family at every turn. Wow, that is a big one! And I know, it is going to take work. To help myself, and hopefully help you, I am going to include tips on calm parenting and calm relationships throughout the year.

The first thing to consider is the difference between reacting and responding to others. When there is an upset reacting means acting on impulse, without thought. It is what happens before we consider our better options. Know that you can do better. Every upset gives you an opportunity to step back, to stop and think, to consider your options and plan a response. If you can slow yourself down and know that your response to an upset is fully within your control, you can avoid the knee-jerk reactions.