Mealtime Tips

There are several guidelines to encourage healthy eating habits while avoiding pickyness traps. The overarching guideline is parents are in charge of what is offered, children are in charge of what and how much of that they eat. Following this, parents are to provide a healthy, wide range of choices for breakfast, lunch, sdinner and snacks, thats it. Once the food is provided it is up to the child to determine what and how much of that they eat as long as its available. If you are concerned they will only fill up on fruit, you are in charge of how often that is offered so you offer fruit a little less often and everything else more often and in a wider range of ways. You might also have smaller portions of fruit - meaning that is all there is of that food but they are welcome to all else that is still available. If you are concerned they will never eat another vegetable, offere a wider range of vegetables in a wider range of ways. Make a vegetable omelete for breakfast and a vegetable tray for snack and a roast vegetable pizza for lunch. I am fine with hiding ingredients, encourage children participating in the food process and making it fun. All of this likely helpful. Go as wide as you can with the foods that are available. Continue to offer new tasts and new textures. Avoid looking at children's nutrition meal to meal, it will make you nuts. Rather, look at it week to week or better, month to month.

Mealtime Question

Parent Question: My 4 year old child is not eating for me at the table. He wants both my husband and I to help him eat and is very fussy; won't try mashed potatoes or anything. It's a constant battle as he wants toys at the table when eating, like something to keep him occupied rather than eating. He does eat pasta and fishsticks but we sometimes have to literally feed him so it gets eaten. I know this is a bad habit, but it's awful getting him to eat much of anything. It's become such a constant battle that I now hate mealtimes. Please help!

Answer: There are so many answers to this one. I am going to give a few guidelines and point you in the direction of a great book for more. The book is "How to Get Your Kid to Eat But Not Too Much" by Ellyn Satter. She wrote another book and there is also a book by Elbrit, but I like this one.
Guidelines: Parents are in charge of what is offered, children are in charge of what and how much of that they eat. Control what is offered; once it is on the table let him pick and choose. If he fills up on fruit and wants more, ok, you offered it. If that is all he will eat, offer it less often and other things more. Go as wide as you can. Put in those 'only foods' once a month so he can't rely on them. The idea is to let go of the battle. You don't want to be battling over food intake once it is on the table. Lessen the emotion; emotion fuels power struggles.
That is the short answer for a long question. We do have a two-hour workshop on managing mealtimes that includes all this on pickyness. The books I mentioned are also very good.

Mealtime Struggles

Dear Dr. Rene,
Our three and half year old daughter has started to struggle over mealtimes. She is becoming extremely picky. She will not try new foods and refuses to eat dinner with us at the table.
What next?
Sincerely,
Ginny, Mother of One



Dear Ginny,
Struggles over food are another matter all together. The folks who write about food intake say it shouldn't overlap with discipline so all the ideas about appraoching power struggles with choices and consequences don't apply. The good thing is the experts tend to agree on a few guidelines to address pickiness.

The overarching guideline is parents are in charge of what is offered, children are in charge of what and how much of that they eat. This means you provide a healthy wide range of choices at regular times and let them decide what and how much to eat once they've sat down to eat. Following these guidelines they don't have to try new foods. It is simply your job to provide a wide range of healthy choices. Keep foods in rotation. Even if they don't like broccoli and claim they won't ever eat it, if it is out of rotation it is not available to try. There is a great deal more detail about these and other guidelines in How to Get Your Kids to Eat But Not Too Much by Satter.

Not sitting at the table to eat is along the lines of behavior rather than food intake so fair game in the realm of discipline to curb behaviors. This might be contribution such as having her make place cards and choose where everyone sits. This might be choices of where to sit or consequences of having to sit in the booster seat or eat when others are done.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
blog@parentingplaygroups.com

Playful at the Dinnertable

Dear Dr. Hackney,

My nearly three year old daughter, Natalie, is a picky eater. Actually, she'll eat a variety of foods, but only after I literally beg her to try the first bite. For example, we'll sit at dinner with chicken and salad; she’s eaten chicken a million times. But, she will sit and eat the tomatoes out of her salad and nothing else until I beg her to try one piece of chicken, just to show her that it is something she likes. Once she tries it, she finishes her plate.

The other day, she wouldn't try turkey; although, she has had it before and liked it. Jokingly, I said, "Ok, don't eat the turkey." Sure enough, she put it in her mouth. Again, I said "Please don't eat all this turkey," and she ate it all. So, if I tell her not to eat, she'll eat until she’s full.

Dinner times can be stressful because of either the exchange or lack of eating altogether. When she doesn’t eat, she is distracted by other things and wants to get down. This is disruptive for everyone at mealtime. Although, since we’ve started this “reverse psychology” technique, dinners have been much better.

I've tried letting her not eat and be hungry, hoping that the next time she will eat. But that doesn't seem to have worked. Am I shooting myself in the foot by sabotaging later discipline efforts?

Thank you,
Abigail
Mother of two, ages two and six months

Hi Abigail,

I think you are fine here. As long as you keep it a playful tone and in fun, it is not likely to be confused with times when you mean no. Also, when it loses its appeal, which someday it will, it won’t feel like its’ turned into pressure or frustration. In fact, to make it last longer, don't do it at every meal or, better yet, every day. The more it can be an intermittent tactic, the longer it should last. I am all about making food fun and being playful. The more they enjoy mealtimes, the more they should be relaxed about eating. That said, one should steer clear of pressure to eat but this doesn’t feel like pressure to me.

Sincerely,
Rene Hackney, PhD.
http://www.parentingplaygroups.com/

Bribes to Eat Vegis

Dear Dr. Hackney,

My six year old daughter is a very picky eater. We bribe her to eat vegetables and end up negotiating over food at every meal. This doesn’t feel right, but it seems the only way to get her to eat. Please help!

Sincerely,
Janice
Mother of three, ages six, three and one years old


Dear Janice,

Wow, this sounds frustrating! I can imagine that dinner is not an enjoyable time in your house. While I know there can be a great push to encourage children to eat, the pressure likely will backfire. The more pressure, the less likely they are to eat those foods willingly the next go around. When you bribe a child by saying, “If you eat your broccoli, you can have some applesauce,” you are agreeing with her. Your bribe sends the message, “Broccoli stinks! You should be rewarded for eating it.” The next time broccoli is presented, she is LESS likely to eat it because it was an obstacle in the way of applesauce. Applesauce is a more sought after food because it was preferred and is now a reward.

The answer is to avoid bribery all together. As a general guideline, parents are in charge of what is offered, and children are in charge of what and how much of that they eat. Following this, parents offer a wide range of healthy choices for breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner. Once it is on their plate, children get to pick and choose. If you find your child still isn’t eating vegetables, you still don’t force her. You are in charge of what is offered, so you offer more vegetables in a wider range of ways. You might offer a vegetable omelet for breakfast, vegetables with dip for snack, or grilled vegetable sandwich for lunch, etc.

I think it is fine to hide ingredients. Make zucchini bread, and call it magic bread. Shred broccoli under the cheese on pizza. This is also a fine time to practice contribution. The more children are choosing the vegetables at the store, washing them in the sink and scooping them to the plate, the more likely they are to eat them.

Sincerely,
Rene Hackney, PhD.
Parenting Playgroups, Inc.