Dear Dr. Rene,
My 5 and 6 year old children are going to be staying with their grandparents for two months while we move our household and set up our new house in Germany. How do we keep this separation and positive experience and let them know they haven't been abadoned?
Sincerely, Sybil
Mother of Two
Dear Sybil,
There are many answers here. First, be ready for them to have some separation issues or related upsets throughout the time. Two months is a stretch and at this little age, the response is unpredictable. Talk to the grandparents in advance about ways they might help and how to manage.
Anytime there is upset, start with giving empathy. Accept their emotion, validate their emotion. Label and talk about why they are feeling that way. Help them to understand and express their feelings. Teach them ways to calm and cope.
During the separation, find ways to connect. Plan to Skype regularly, send a daily postcard, email pictures of the move, call daily. Even if these things are a bit difficult, it is likely good to be in touch.
Have the grandparents keep as regular a schedule as they can. Keep mealtime and bedtime routines intact and sleep on schedule. If the children went to preschool or babysitters, have them go as possible.
Make a fun schedule for the four of them. Encourage the grandparents to take the children to museums, movies, the library for storytimes. Be helpful by researching this for them in advance.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
www.parentingplaygroups.com
Showing posts with label grandparents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grandparents. Show all posts
Monday, June 28, 2010
Friday, February 1, 2008
Grandparent in Hospital
Dear Dr. Hackney,
My four year old has a very close relationship with my parents. Recently, my mother has been hospitalized and has a poor prognosis. What do we tell our son about my mother’s situation and about my father being sad and preoccupied during our visits? Is it okay for him to visit grandma in the hospital?
Sincerely,
Hillary
Mother of one, age four years
Dear Hillary,
I am sorry to hear of your mother’s prognosis. The idea is to be as honest as you can with your son without overwhelming him. You might let him know that “Grandma is very sick. She is going into the hospital, and the doctors are trying to make her well.” You might follow this by giving him ample time to ask questions. Try to answer any questions he has without giving too much information. If you avoid answering questions, children often come up with their own answers which can be worse than the truth. If you give too much information, it can add to their worries.
If it is okay with your parents and the hospital, it is fine to take your son to visit. You would do well to fully explain beforehand what he can expect during the visit. Let him know about IVs and other machinery in grandma’s room. Let him know that the nurses check on grandma every once in a while and about the other adults if she shares a room.
It is also fine to let your son know that “Grandpa is sad a lot these days. He really misses grandma not being at home and wants her to get well.” It might be helpful for your child to be able to take some action to help others in this situation. You might ask him if he would like to draw pictures for grandma and grandpa or take flowers to the hospital.
Sincerely,
Rene Hackney, PhD.
Parenting Playgroups, Inc.
My four year old has a very close relationship with my parents. Recently, my mother has been hospitalized and has a poor prognosis. What do we tell our son about my mother’s situation and about my father being sad and preoccupied during our visits? Is it okay for him to visit grandma in the hospital?
Sincerely,
Hillary
Mother of one, age four years
Dear Hillary,
I am sorry to hear of your mother’s prognosis. The idea is to be as honest as you can with your son without overwhelming him. You might let him know that “Grandma is very sick. She is going into the hospital, and the doctors are trying to make her well.” You might follow this by giving him ample time to ask questions. Try to answer any questions he has without giving too much information. If you avoid answering questions, children often come up with their own answers which can be worse than the truth. If you give too much information, it can add to their worries.
If it is okay with your parents and the hospital, it is fine to take your son to visit. You would do well to fully explain beforehand what he can expect during the visit. Let him know about IVs and other machinery in grandma’s room. Let him know that the nurses check on grandma every once in a while and about the other adults if she shares a room.
It is also fine to let your son know that “Grandpa is sad a lot these days. He really misses grandma not being at home and wants her to get well.” It might be helpful for your child to be able to take some action to help others in this situation. You might ask him if he would like to draw pictures for grandma and grandpa or take flowers to the hospital.
Sincerely,
Rene Hackney, PhD.
Parenting Playgroups, Inc.
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